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MP#034: WHY YOU FEEL BAD IF YOU FAIL? TURN YOUR STRESS INTO YOUR COACH!

There will be several times in your life when you’ll feel bad, if your boss or the person you love says something that lowers your self-esteem. You didn’t do this right, you failed at some task, you think something was different but it was not, etc.


Because of that you feel bad and your heart hurts. You can’t stop thinking about it and you’re no longer sleeping well.


The day it happened, you were so pissed that you started drinking, or smoked a joint to help you relax, or share your bad energy with somebody else who was just coming to say hello.


The next day you feel bad because of all this stress and your head is clouded and heavy. You can’t focus on your tasks, or your happiness because you think you failed.


So what do you do?

 
You have 2 options. Struggle for a few more days/weeks because of this and become even more miserable with yourself, and everybody around you. Or find a positive reason why this may have happened, and figure out how you can use it to grow.


I would go for the second option because I tried the first one several times and it didn’t work. The more and more I think about the issue, the more and more pain I gain.


So yesterday, I changed my thinking. Let me explain to you what happened.


At my job, I was supposed to learn some new things with the clients. I was doing everything I could to learn this task and proceed successfully, but my supervisor thought that I didn’t try hard enough and that I didn’t prepare before talking with my new clients.


Inside, I knew that this task was a huge hurdle for me, because my communication and organization skills were not the best.


But I put a lot of effort into this because I knew that if I could overcome this, I could grow in that field.


After the conversation with my supervisor I felt really bad, like I failed and disappointed him. They gave me this assignment because they believed I could do it, but I failed. So my automatic response was that I was very angry with him for rest of the day, because he didn’t understand or believe me that I tried to put my best foot forward for this project.


So he ruined my day, my evening, and my night’s sleep. The next morning, I woke up half an hour before I usually wake up. The first thing that came into my head was this topic, and that gave me butterflies in my stomach. My morning clearness was ruined, when I did exercises I wasn’t there and I couldn’t do my meditation.


I started to think about this and try to come up with a solution that would help me feel better. I know, lots of gurus will say – think positive. But it’s really hard to think positive if you’re body doesn’t feel good or if your mind is messed up because of the stress you fell into.


So instead of my morning meditation I started to think about this and realized how much stress I had just put into my life. Is it really worth it? What if I understood my supervispr wrong? What if I just told him that this was the best I could do and that I was putting a lot of work into it because I really wanted to overcome my issue? That I really wanted to grow as a communicative and non-introverted person and that I was doing the best I could?


Could my supervisor/boss/friend/parent/relative understand this? Can you understand that I really want to be happy?


So the lack of communication or interpretation is the worm of all stress, in my opinion.


If we can explain to ourselves what’s really going on here and if we look at it from a different perspective, the stress goes away and we enter into the ‘happy mode’ we were in before. If we explain to others what’s going on and that we’re really trying to be the best we can possibly be, they will understand. (ok, not everyone will, but most normal people will. Maybe your boss is different but if you can talk his/her language then he/she will.)


So next time you bring stress into your life, just close your eyes and try to change the story. You didn’t fail, you just understood wrong. Use your stress as a tool to grow!


The more and more you practice this, the stronger you’ll become.


And you have so many situations you can work on every day. Start with observing your daily stress, and when something is not what you think it should be. Or if somebody doesn’t do something you think should be done.


You have so many things that you can gain knowledge from.


But try to start with yourself first!


Don’t judge, just change your perspective.


You will feel better. Trust me.

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